Just me...

 Here again. After hrs of filing, rooming patients, emptying barf buckets, lysol-ing rooms, and generally running around like a chicken with her head cut off wondering what I should be doing, or could do next ( not to mention countless hours of lying in bed at night obsessing.) I have made it through another week.

Hour count = 72ish? / 160 Thank God for my good friend who is virtually living with us, and becoming a second mother to my kids, for without her my life would be a total wreck right now.

Christmas was good. Busy, but good. It came and then it went. I am finding it interesting how being a stay at home mom for @ ten years and then finally returning to the workforce is changing my point of views. And I thought time went by fast while I was home.. it goes by so much faster now. But still... I like it.
 And I am muddling through. I have never claimed to be graceful.
Never claimed to be brilliant.
And I am not...I am a space case, that will inevitably make every mistake there is to be made. Twice. But eventually I learn. And will become confident, and when I am... Then everything will be right with my little world. Now if you excuse me... my little gal is in the other room screaming, and I can't stand to hear her cry when I have been away for so long. I have to get my loving before bedtime! :) Peace out.

Mondays suck!

 Well that was quick, its Monday again. And boy O' boy, let me tell you it  definitely felt like a Monday!! I will skip the details and just say I shamed myself again today on the externship. WHY is it that I some how manage to sabotage myself just when I think I am doing my best? Every freaking time.

I think before I speak and then...the fit its the shan. UGH. I keep telling myself  to relax and just learn as much as you can, but it seems hard to relax when trying to do something so unfamiliar, and the harder I try the crappier I do.

 I am that girl who does that thing  that you think..." What could she have been thinking?"...
yeah the answer is ...?? She wasent'.

 I believe I have a great many good qualities... hopefully enough to counteract the stupid sucky ones.

NO MORE MONDAYS PLEASE!

Ba- Humbug Blues

Well things just keep trucking along here.Can't believe it's almost Christmas already...I am currently freaking out that this happens to be the last weekend in December and I still have SO much left to do. Thinking I may have to re-prioritize some things.

In other news, I talked to a friend ( who also happens to be on her externship, at another clinic) and she informed me that the whole school was talking about the girl who blurted out " I smoke" at an interview. *hangs head in shame* Leave it to me...Jeeze. I tell you what, I could screw up dang near anything given enough time.

 Thinking of making gifts in all my free time ( that was sarcasm folks, for those who missed it...)  My blogger buddy Meadowlark started a new one called "Kindergarden Crafter" she rates crafts from "easy" to "made me cry"; Love the idea BTW! ;)  Here are some oreo pops, thinking if I have time I will make them this weekend...kindergarten crafter oreo pops!

Finally getting it.

I am roughly 33 hrs into a 160 hr unpaid externship for school. The first 2 or 3 days were completely overwhelming, I had thought that being in school for 18 months on an accelerated learning program would prepare me for the clinic. Um, not so much.

 Fortunately I am a people person and after I finally got over my huge anxiety about rooming patients and managed to  figure out the clinics "on wall"  blood pressure cuffs, I feel like I am doing fairly well.

Everyone seems very patient and willing to answer my many questions. Sometimes I feel as though I am playing the 900 question game, but I feel like I am "getting it", and my questions aren't too out of the ballpark. I hope.

Yesterday I put in 12 hrs, minus 1/2 hr lunch, so really only 11 1/2. I got to assist w/stitches, and do my first  legitimate in clinic IM shot in the butt.

All in all a fun day, it seems to get so busy that the hrs just fly by.

When it's not busy though it seems to go A LOT slower. The actual ( not in training) M A's have phone messages to answer and Rx's to send to the pharmacy...all I do so far is watch them do it, which is pretty dang boring. Probably should enjoy the break while I can, but ....zzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ

Note to self. I HATE GERMS. Starting to feel sick. blah..

worth the weight?

How is it that I have went to school for 18 months, got good grades yet now that I am on my externship ( for for the same thing I went to school for)...NOT HAVE A CLUE.

 I guess that is the difference between book learning and actual on the job training. I am just hoping I can pull my head out soon, and feel confident enough to do a good job while I am there. I have only worked a little under ten hours and everyone in the clinic is super nice and helpful but somehow I don't yet feel comfortable putting patients in the room alone yet. So I follow people around all day like an idiot, and try to learn as much as I can.

It is actually very frustrating on my part, because I don't yet feel like I can do it alone, and I want to SO bad. I think it is the kind of thing I am going to have to just "buck up" and do and if I mess it up, then better earlier then later on in the game. Anyone have any liquid self confidence I can borrow? Wait, is that what they call alcohol ? Well that definitely won't work, and it probably wouldn't do me any favors to go and ask the Dr I am working for if he has any xanex samples he could part with either. ha ha! Guess I am on my own.  On the plus side, I run my butt off running in circles all day and not eating anything so I am bound to loose some of my leftover "baby weight".
Wish me luck!~ Love, peace and chicken grease to all of you! :)

YIPPEE!! I GOT IT!

Well once again the embroidery thaang is gonna have to wait. Putting aside my retarded unicorn to GO ON MY EXTERNSHIP! WA-HOO!

My wonderfully awesome friend is going to come and take care of the lilhouse and everything inside of it while I am working, she has decided to stay for the month. I have no way of paying her, and nothing to give her except a roast or 2 from the freezer and my eternal gratitude.

I start on Thursday, and it sounds like they are willing to work with me on hours. On the one hand I want to get in as many as I can while my friend is staying with us to help, on the other hand I don't want to burn  either of us out. We'll have to see what happens...

 I was unhappy at first with the clinic that I was being sent to,but I found out another friend of mine went there for her externship, and she really liked it! So I am excited to get my scrubs on and get to work!! :)

THANK GOD FOR AWESOME FRIENDS!

anticrafty

 So have I mentioned that I am not crafty? I try.  I try to be crafty it is just one of those things that, though I wish it came naturally to me, does not. That said: I have apparently embroidered the unicorn  upside down on the fabric. Oops!  And having absolutely no idea what I was doing, am about half way through...good thing the kids won't know the difference! Can't expect to be a whiz kid first try, I guess, huh? Damn it. :)

That is all.

Just me again.

Weekends around here have two speeds; very very slow and balls to the wall, gotta get things done NOW.

 Yesterday, and from the looks of it today, are the former rather then the latter. We lounged around pretty much all day yesterday and watched netflix. My darling dearest Hubby finally got the Wii hooked up to it, and now we pretty much have movies on demand. Think I may never get anything done again.

We finally got the Aussie Shepard pup. Well not exactly a pup, he is about a year old, so he is more like a  super clumsy pup trapped in a full grown dog body. He is beautiful and so smart, a wonderful addition to the family. The kids and I adore him. Annie, our other dog is still unsure. She likes him alright except that he is a puppy and is constantly wanting to maul and play with her. She is less then thrilled. Oh...the dog's name is "Jack" and boy did I get a giggle when I told him to "OFF"...

Also managed to go to the Wal and wander for a bit, until the point where if I did not ingest some serious xanex and soon, I was going to rip someones head off. Oh and get this, our Wal does not sell embroidery stuff. WTF? I have been toying with the idea of learning embroidery for awhile, but lacking creativity never had the gumption to commit to learning. Well no more excuses, "tis the season"!

A funny side note: husband had no idea this pg existed. Although I SWEAR I have mentioned numerous times!!~ Men! Got him thinking I am  double secret agent sneaky though...

highlights of the week...job interview...

Well another Thanksgiving came and went. Good food, great company, all in all a success. Success as defined by lilhousemama= nobody killed, traumatized beyond repair, no food poisoning or other lasting harm.

This last week has been a weird one. I got tired of waiting for my Dean to set me up with an externship, my last official class. I have been out of actual classes since August,  just hanging around home. I seem to alternate between being bored to tears and actually enjoying the lack of brain usage.

At any rate, I called the school and to my surprise, was informed that there was an interview for an externship the next day. Beginning to panic, immediately  upon hanging up started the babysitter search.  I was chatting with one of my best girls, while on the phone the other line rang and I ignored it.

After I got off the phone with her I checked to see who it was that had called, it was the Dean's assistant~ She was wrong the interview was TODAY not tomorrow, and in 3 hours no less.

Long story longer, my best girl dropped everything she was doing and rushed over (she lives @30 min away) and somewhere between struggling to update my crummy resume and  trying on my 3ed outfit she showed up .

The next thing I knew I was sitting in an office with 3 head honchos from medical clinics surrounding my area, but I was being  interviewed at the same time/and with 3 other people.

It kinda turned into a weird game show like, slow motion version of "Jeopardy". With all of us vying for the best adjectives: hardworking, responsible, shit she stole my answer again, dedicated, dependable.

At some point during the interview I mentioned that I had spent the last 10 yrs being a stay at home mom with 5 kids. Next question, unmistakably directed at me: how do you handle stress?  Not really sure what my thought process was here, but without missing a beat I said "I smoke a lot!"

 THANK GOD they had a sense of humor and actually laughed!!

One of them asked me "what were you smoking?"

--Me: " Not that, or I would be a lot more relaxed then I am!" 

Again, I watch the words come out of my mouth realize to my horror what I am saying and then just keep on saying them.. 

But they laughed again ( Thank god again for small favors!)

After the interview as I was nearly running for the door one of the interviewers jumped in front of me and while shaking my hand preceded to tell me me how funny I was. FUNNY! Oh I am so glad I was being funny, I just thought I was making an ass of myself!  ha ha  ha! Not really sure wether to expect a call back or not?
Pretty sure the interviewer called me a pot head during the course of the interview... interesting, not really sure how I feel about that, but a pot head is better then an ass any day...right?

That was BY FAR the most interesting thing that happened this week.

Oh yeah, and apparently we are getting another dog.
GROAN. I love dogs! Just not the wonderful and easy to get emotionally attached to, but dying ones
. This one is an Aussie Shepard, about a year old and supposedly potty trained.



Peace out dearies, hope my interesting interview gave you a laugh or two...I am obsessing over it still. ugh. Should hear back early next week.??

Still alive...

After numerous calls to tech support and a borrowed modem we are back online! Whoo hoo!! Catching up on netflix sitcoms tonight...tomorrow I will post updates.

endless ramblings of a crazy housewife...

Well as usual the 'snowpocalypse' fell far short of  the mass hysteria. Sure there was wind, and cold but that's not un-typical of a Utah Winter. Honestly, I was alittle disappointed. Of course I was curled up in front of a wood stove making stew, not trying to drive in it, so...

TODAY..Today..today...I plan on staying in my pajamas all day and baking pies while I wander aimlessly through the house and nag at children to help me keep it semi-clean. Not that everyone hasn't seen my house a mess, believe me they have, just that 'Tomorrow's Thanksgiving'. I say "Everybody" as though we had "Everybody" coming over... Um, no. Possibly my Dad. Other then that, its just us.

But is it soo terrible to want everything to be perfect? I know it will never happen, and things will go wrong, and I refuse to be a-- (cover your ears if they are virgins)  B*I*T*C*H to get help. However, if I am going to fix mountains of food for 'just us' then they could try to keep it a little clean. Right?

In fact tomorrow, for Thanksgiving, I fully intend to pull my best Julia Child's imitation, and drink as much as I feel necessary to endure and press on with the holiday madness without having to break out my can o'woopen ass.
  On the menu: Turkey, attempted homemade stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, twice baked sweet potatoes with marshmallows and pecans, brussel sprouts, rolls, cranberry sauce... and if that wernt' enough I had to stumble across a recipe for stuffed mushrooms! Jeez... Me and my bright ideas. Yeah definitely taking the Julia Child approach to cooking because more wine is always better!

weather news

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=13384135

sshhhhh... the babys are still asleep!!

Very weird. They almost never sleep in, which means neither do I. Today, is a perfect day for them to start  though.
We are expecting the (alleged) biggest storm in 7 years.Today-windy, Tomorrow- COLD and VERY WINDY,-Thurs (Thanksgiving) VERY COLD AND WINDY.

 I have already snuck out and fed the animals, who were all hunkered down and keeping warm in their little pen, did the dishes ( whoo-hoo!) and started laundry--Go me!  I have decided that it is SO much easier to be productive without little ones underfoot. :)

And with Thanksgiving rapidly approaching I plan on hanging out in a nice warm house, fire blazing and pies baking!

Today's agenda: loading up the fam-damly ( weather permitting) into the van and procuring straw, and more grain for the spoiled animals, and the ever present pile of laundry.

Well the weekend came and went...

Happens fast don't it. Saturday night we went to a rodeo and TRYED to watch it, as much as the kids love horses and action, I thought they would be more into it then they actually were.

We sat in the isle and in no time it started to take on the appearance of our living room with scattered coats and children blocking the walk way. Yup, we are THOSE people. After the mutton busting, and bronc riding I looked down to see my little boy playing with the hair of a young lady who was unfortunate enough to be sitting in front of us. I called him back away from her, and gave her the "I'm sorry if my kid is messing with you" look. And again my little guy snuck up and flirted with her. This pretty much happened during the course of the whole rodeo. Thank God the young people had a sense of humor and more patience then me. But who wouldn't love being flirted with from my little guy, with those BIG brown eyes and mischievous smile.

Between watching the kid's interaction with other people ( some good, some not so good) and the numerous trips to and from the bathroom I am not sure I seen much of the rodeo myself.

Bought paint. Gotta get moving and paint me some kitchen cupboards!

turned 30 blah blah blah

 This last week I turned 30. Gasp. I wallowed in self pitty pretty much all week, about how little I have accomplished in the last 10 years and what I plan on for the next 20.

My darling dear cousin took me out lastnight to "celebrate", bought me some drinks. I had planned on getting so shamelessly drunk that I would forget my name. No such luck. Turn's out that responsibility's a bitch. And with some A-hole  pretty much chasing us around all night begging to buy us drinks, I was just not in the mood at all. I knew I would have to get up early this morning with my baby girl (4 1/2 months) and with the other little ones so that they woulden't destroy the house beyond repair.

While managing to get tipsy and alittle drunk, it was not what you might call a "good drunk".  Why, can anyone tell me, why do guys hang out in bars and stalk women who are obviously married, and obviously not into them?  Seriously... NOT GONNA HAPPEN BUDDY thanks but not thanks, GET A LIFE!

Woke up bright and early this morning ( against my protests) to screaming children. Tryed to take a hangover cure bath. Not a good plan when you have 7 people in a 1 bathroom house. In the @20 min I was in the bath, 3 ( three!!) people came in to shit in the toilet not a foot from my head...( WTH we're they saving it or something???)

So I think I will attempt to clean the house for awhile and nurse the crummy lollypop head feeling I have for a bit.  Here's hoping 30 starts to suck alittle less in the near future. ~ Cheers. Blah.

To those who serve. Thank you.

http://www.cpmsglife.org/pres/vday.html

It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. ~Author unknown

 All day I have been muling over what Veterans day means to me. Aside for being very grateful for my remaining freedoms, I kept coming back in my mind to certain things. To current events, and  of how many of us have come to the point of being afraid of our government. I think it was Thomas Jefferson who once said that "a government big enough to give you everything, is big enough to take it away", it seems we have forgotten that. Becoming complacent and overly trusting of our elected officials to take into account the will of the people.
 
I had once wanted to join the Air Force. I love airplanes, and who has the biggest and best planes? That's right, the US  Air force! Life being what it was, and me being the young wild child I was, I ended up meeting my husband and almost immediately thereafter becoming pregnant. ( don't judge!)
 
Fast forward 10 years and 5 kids later...and here I am.
 
 Older, somewhat wiser and more ready then ever to join the Air force...what's stopping me? Hmmm. Fear of being sent over seas to defend a foreign country? Maby. Fear of being bound to follow orders my ethics might not allow, definitely.
 
I believe the shit-ith will hit-ith soon, and God help anyone who tries to hurt or intimidate my family, beause I will defend to the end.
 
 If our troops were to return to the USA imagine how many of them we would have home, to defend their land and their family. I guess wars ain't what they once were though, so my romantic notion is just that.
 
 Now a days with a push of a button or two, total ultimate irreversible world chaos could ensue. Or hell, we could just collapse the dollar.  Ha ha, O wait...too late.
 
Thank you Veterans for risking your life and limb for liberty, and to some for paying the ultimate price. I am sure you realize more then most, the price of freedom. So THANK YOU today and everyday.
 
~ Lilhousemama :) peace out   *Please forgive, my scattered mind skips around alot...

You killed my dog...

So far a pretty uneventful morning, knock on wood.

Yesterday on the way home from putting Duke down, my middle child(who is 4) suddenly exclamed "Where's Duke??" ~ Nevermind that I had been preparing her for the loss for roughly a week, and that she knew we were takind Duke to Grandma's work to help him go to heaven.UGH.

So I reinterated that he was no longer in pain, that he had been sick and we helped him go to heaven. Her face fell immediatly and she screamed "You killed MY DOG". Shit. Apparently even though we had only had Duke for about a month, and she dosen't even usually like dogs, she had formed more of an attatchment to him then I had imagined.

All the way home, in my nice calm mommy voice, I tried to help her understand,  as she peppered me with questions of a "who did it" nature. Then she tells me she hates Grandma's work. This from a girl who was so happy a miniute ago because she had gotten to shred paper for like 20 miniutes to keep her entertained until the deed was done.

I got a hug before she went to bed, so hopefully things are cool.  I still feel like crap that my daughter thinks I killed her dog. My husband suggested getting her another for Christmas, but too many good dogs have come and gone this this year. Not sure I can handle loosing another.

Spoke too soon on the uneventul morning front... My naked son (  2 1/2 yrs old, just out of the bath),just chased a flock of Turkeys out of my front yard. Apparently my neighbor had chased them away from our hay and out of our wide open garage.
 Actually this is pretty normal for our house...
Here is a list of things that have wandered down our drive way in the three years we have lived here:
2 very large and ready to be milked cows, a family of geese, peacocks are a regular, dogs ( not so abnoimal), and now a flock of turkeys. Here's hoping that is the most eventful thing of the day!

the deed is done.

 R.I.P. Duke.

Never easy. Still feel like a zombie. Came home popped a few excederine and currently drinking a margarita, with plans for another when I am through.

another interesting morning...

Yesterday morning I happened upon an obviously poised and sick mouse, hanging out contentedly near my bedroom door. Thinking I had to do SOMETHING but having no idea what that SOMETHING might be, I caught it in between a tupperwear bowl and a paper plate. Due to all of the uncontrollable screaming that kept coming out my mouth, the kids had been alerted to the situation, and proceded to crowd around.

My oldest, Jared playing the part of the brave older child took the mouse filled Tupperware into the bathroom and flushed the toilet, but as luck would have it, he evidently had dropped the mouse in one second too soon, and instead of being wisked away like a TV mouse it continued to swim like hell against the current. We stood around the toilet too horrified and hysterical,to know what to do next and just hoping the damn thing would go down the pipe.

No such luck. It continued to alternate between swimming and bucking frantically for its life, and as my son was still nearest to the toilet and obviously as impatient and eager to get rid of this little nuisence as I was, he continued to flush and flush not letting the tank fill completely so as to get a good bit of water traveling fast enough to finish the job. And eventually, as though in slow motion my family watched it drowned. Still it would not go down. This was not a big mouse. It was a baby mouse. Stubborn ole thing, finally went down after a hysterical 5 miniutes start to finish. And now if you will excuse me, I think I will go and scrub my toilet., or I may never be able too pee again.


Putting another dog to sleep today. Preparing for a mentally exhausting array of emotions, yet again. We have had to do this too many times over the last few years. Our home has become a sort of doggie convelecent home, I really need to learn to say no. It is so hard to see them suffer, not to mention how hard on the kids it must be, to lose one dog after another. I cannot do this again. Besides our pasture is turning into a pet cemetery of sorts.


In other news we had another interesting morning this morning…

On the way out to feed the goats , I discovered that one of our missing, turned wild roosters had fallen and gotten his leg stuck in our gate. I debated shooting him on the spot and decided that I couldn’t shoot a trapped animal ( even if it did spend all Fall eating our tomatoes.)

So instead I covered its head and proceded to wrangle its leg from the gate. It is mangled beyond repair, and the poor thing probably wishes I had shot him. He is laying oddly in a dog kennel until I decide what to do with him next.