What a long strange trip its been...

Anxiously awaiting spring. Damn Walmart for putting seeds and spring"ish" things in their store 2 months ahead of their usable date. Damn me for being too lazy to put up the green house. Guess I will have to get on that one soon, or live to regret it when I'm paying double or triple for grown plants.

 We currently have plans to move a piss poor gazebo thing from our back yard, up to the house and turn it into a screen room for the summer. Shouldn't cost more then a few hundred dollars.

 *fingers crossed* thinking we have the house BS figured out, so that would be AWESOME to not have that worry hanging over our heads!

It is no big shocker to anyone that I have been in a huge funk. Loosing a best friend will do that, to anyone I imagine. So I apologize for getting on here and sobbing to complete strangers, for some reason it seems easier then phoning a friend. I am usually not a real "touchy feally" person.

That said, I am hoping to put myself back together again and I know I am, it just seems to be taking forever. Baby steps...I am hoping spring and the busyness it brings will be just what the Dr. ordered.

1 MONTH

It has one month and 3 days since one of my best friends died.

It seems like an eternity while still seeming like the blink of an eye. I still think of calling her at least ten times a day to share something stupid, frustrating or funny with her. Only to remember in the same instant that I can't.

 So I just smile because I know that she would understand, where ever she is, and that she is laughing with me. It is bittersweet.

It is comforting to hear her words echo in my head, telling me if I got rid of the things I don't need/use I wouldn't have to hunt for everything like a chicken with my head cut off. I am learning to listen to that voice of reason and simplify. ( but I still can't claim to be organized....lol sorry Melissa! ;)



Today is her oldest son's birthday. I had probably heard the story of how he was bornsomewhere between 20-300 times, in the two years I knew Melissa. She was so proud of her kids.

In the time, I was blessed enough to have her come and stay with my family to watch my kids, no small task, we had some good talks.

 I wish I could remember all of them. I pluck out bits and pieces that I remember and treasure them like they were precious gems to be locked away. In one such talk she talked about how weird it was to have a teenager, and know that soon they would be gone, to their own life soon.

 She knew that after his birthday she would have one more year with her son before she had a  hard time catching up with him as he was, hopefully going on a mission. She really hoped that they could spend more time together this year.

Having just had the birthday of my own child I cannot imagine not being there for that. Or not having my mother for my birthday.

 I could ramble about this all day, so I won't. Instead, I will go and get in the shower and start my day.

 I will hope and pray that her children know how much they are loved everyday, by so many people. That her kids know how many lives their mother touched and how proud she was of them.

 *and Meadowlark, give that grand baby some love from me, she sure does have one cool Grandma! ;) Thanks forwverything hon.