FREAK OUT MUCH?

Yeah I do. I obsess and stress-out over everything. I am hard on myself and have always pushed myself to do more, to do better, and be better. If I get a 92% on a test, you can bet that I will remember the questions I missed next time. I can't let go of those minor losses.  However, I seem to judge everyone else by a different standard. Try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

lilhouse kids

On Saturday I went in to the clinic to get my externship packet.  I finished my hours on Tuesday of the week and was asked to give the alleged head MA until Friday to get the papers in order. Done.

Well, despite the fact that she had only worked with me the first week and a half, she had filled in  all of the evaluations herself.  After I had even offered to take them around myself to the people I had been working with, because I kinda knew she might do this...and guess what? That's right...the witch with a capitol B made it sound like I had done nothing since I had started there. The break down was this: both sides hate each other and by naturally fitting in more with one side I had alienated myself from the other ( more pit-bull-ish) side.

Let me tell you it is a good thing, for her, that she was not there that day. I have never been more frustrated and pissed off in my entire life.  I would have hurt her. Little Ole non confrontational me would have ripped her damn head off and shit on her lifeless body.  Grade aside, she screwed me in every sense of the word.

 For two nights I dreamt of the injustice of it, and how on earth I would explain to my dean what had happened.

Today I went in to take him the file, with my stomach tied in knots and a lump in my throat I waited in his office like a child in the principals office. He came in, glanced at the folder and as I was trying my best to condense my version of the truth he seemed to be only half way listening as he added up my hours.

After I was through he looked at me like a father might look at his own dense child, and he said " It  really doesn't matter, your done. Congratulations, you have earned an associates degree in Medical Specialties."   I stammered on, staring at the closed file on this desk, unable to let go of how much this had been bothering me. He told me as he ushered me out the door that I shouldn't let one person's opinion of me get under my skin so much, and then assuming the meeting was over I just went home.

I really do like that man.

Now that the pressure is off and the thing is done, it is easy to look back and see that if I wanted any respect from the pit bulls I should have nipped the confrontational BS in the butt early on, instead of tolerating it obediently. "Hi my name is Lilhouse mama, and I'm a door mat." I guess acceptance comes before change. And as for the other, I guess obsessing is just what I do... It is the same quality that makes me practice and practice until I am better. Unfortunately it also makes me crazy...but that's just who I am.


I will post  some much needed pictures, I figure anyone who can listen to me bitch for this long without thinking I am a complete nut job should at least get to see some of the most wonderful things in my life. My little ones. Peace out Meadowlark. You are one cool Chicky! :)



 

newest addition born 7/29/2010